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Sydney, November 2012

Dear fellow male netizens,

I’m writing this letter to express my utmost apology on behalf of deranged female out there. Being on the other side of the fence, we’re commonly privileged to be swept away from our feet by your sweet words and demonstration of your good qualities. Given that we acknowledge this advantage, we girls often abuse that privilege, and make your life harder when we decide to play the field when we know your intention. Some of you are perhaps chasing the girl of your dream, yet she’s acting all coy and mysterious. Often we’re sending you a mixed signal and forces you to rethink your step. While some alpha male might think that this adds to the thrill of the chase, while some guys are just devastated and especially for those who are new to the battlefield, would at least say this line once at some point: “girls are weird.”

And of course, I’m not claiming myself as an expert, but here’s my way to say that I hear your complaint, boys. I perfectly understand if you’re losing your head over girls and deranged behavior. I have a friend who admits that she likes to play the field. She makes you coming back for more. She has her way to lift you up by giving false hopes and misinterpret signals, yet in the end smash you into pieces. This type of girl usually has the looks and there are at least two other guys who are chasing her right now. This particular of type is rather hard. But let me give you few tips: CHASE HER DOWN AND SWOON HER AWAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It gets tiring really, but let me assure you that by the 4th or 5th attempt, you’ll finally reach the finish line and she will finally confess that you almost got her every time, but she just wants to see you fight tenaciously to the key of her heart. If I were a guy, I’d personally throw a flame on her hair and be done with it. I mean, who wants to play a hot and cold game? If the effort of the game still outweighs the amount of love you have, I’d say LEAVE HER AND CATCH ANOTHER FISH IN THE SEA! There are plenty of fresh, gorgeous-looking fishes in the sea, you just have to cast your net further and explore……

Anyways, this is the most obvious question that I’ve heard coming out from few of my guy friends “well how should I know she’s not angry? I ask her and she always says she’s okay!”.  Us girls can be very difficult to be understand. Most of us don’t say what we want and we expect you to understand it. Girls can be a complex puzzle that demands to be decipher. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not only you guys who have to go through that scenario. Sometimes I don’t even understand few of my girl friends! Ordinary women can be as cruel as a wicked witch. Say they hate their friends, they don’t say it out loud in front of their friend’s face. Instead, they simply bitch about it behind her and pretend that everything’s okay. Dealing with this type of people, sometimes I wish they can just be honest and spill the beans in front of my face.

Sometimes we develop this immense fascination towards beautiful acquaintance online. To the extreme, there are girls who spent hours on Facebook, aimlessly flick through one virtual profile and another and ended up gazing through an extremely gorgeous female acquaintance. When I say acquaintance, it means someone whom we are not close with, but met at least once before. “OMG DON’T YOU THINK (insert girl’s name) IS BEAUTIFUL? MAN, I’D KILL FOR A BODY LIKE THAT…” said a friend of mine while pointing at a display picture of a young female in a body-con dress that she met once in a party. We don’t envy her like Cinderella’s sibling envies Cinderella’s faith. But sometimes we just have this unexplained fascination and adoration over other pretty girls. Although I myself rarely participate in this frivolous activity, but I happened to have few friends who are massive cyber-stalkers. Creepy and entertaining at the same time.

We also get the privilege to act like a bipolar chick every once in a month. Yup, when PMS strikes. NEVER ARGUE WITH GIRLS WHO ARE HAVING THEIR PMS, CAUSE THEY’RE ALWAYS RIGHT. Never mess with them UNLESS you wanna be shouted at or witness an unpleasant what-the-hell-i’m-crying-for scene. Okay, perhaps I’m exaggerating a bit. But I bet you have at least met ONE FEMALE who turns into a monster when they’re having their period. You say that it’s unfair that we get a golden ticket to act all crazy once in a month, but remember that it’s also unfair that we female have to solely bear the pain of carrying a life into this world, while you just knock us out and stand there while we go through the most excruciating experience a female could ever have (not that I have ever given birth before, but mom always says that it’s a thousand times more painful than menstrual cramp/diarrhea). So yes, until we hit our menopause, we GET to throw tantrums like a 6-years-old every month.

I seriously have no idea what I’m writing. I think I had gone off-topic after the first two paragraphs, but whatevs. But this is a trail of thought that comes through my mind at 3 A.M in the morning, and my fingers just can’t stop typing non-sense.

Sincerely,

an insomniac night owl

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